Moments of truth

The other day in Italy an old woman came with her hand held out with cup and asked for money in Italian. Not a hard guess as she shook it and gave life to her words. It seems to be a common symbol that all understand. I gave without a second thought. While others perhaps may have walked by or just said no. I have been there – where I have said no for my own reasons. To her I could not and be able to say I had done the right thing. The sites of Florence amazed me. The beauty I could not describe in words. The wonders of an age so old – yet so beautiful.

My prayers are for those trying to discover what makes them complete, whole just the same. Is the home where hearts are content and focused on the inner being? I wonder how many are looking for peace? Peace comes from within – looking up makes it feel like I can have it.

I come forward with my prayers for the journey home. Home to find a child resting and dreaming of something safe. Growing and trying to find their space amongst the chaos at school. Home to find a husband who has so graciously prepared a meal with love and wants nothing in return. One who is willing to say I love you and go through life with me knowing my faults. As we begin this new chapter of what is to come, I cannot say that it will be easy.  I sometimes forget that he has it all under control.  Now if I could only stop meddling in what doesn’t concern me and live for what does.  I realize that God is still is watching and traveling with me. Sometimes I try and run and that doesn’t work. He keeps coming back to remind me that he is still here waiting for me.

As I continue on this  journey of forty – five years I realized that I have made some big mistakes in my life. I have learned to let go of those things that I no longer have control over – while trying to remember that it is okay to be human.  I have learned much from the lessons of days past and mistakes that I cannot correct. I have learned to be gentle on myself, for I too need to be whole within myself.

I am now loving this journey that I am on.  The journey of motherhood is the best job I have – the only job that is worth doing. I can’t control the forces of nature, but I can raise a loving child who will chose the forces that will guide his future. The Future of whatever he wants to be not what I think he should be. Being a parent is something that I have always wanted in my life. However, those feelings never came without questions, selfishness or fear factors. Being afraid to take the leap and the fear of not doing all the right things.  The fear of not wanting to be like your parents – yet the more you try not to, the more we became what we didn’t want in the first place. I wonder if it is life coming full circle in the daily stories of living? As my son continues to grow I find it hard sometimes to let go of  those little things that bonded us from the start. I have to keep reminding myself  that he came from God as a gift to me, and that gift is not mine to keep. I am to let him grow into his gift and purpose for Gods enjoyment. How he makes it so hard. Yet I love being a mother. I love the ups and downs and all the moments in between. I thankful to find so much of me in him.

 

Searching

Searching

 

 

I am safe for the moment of truth is now – enjoy the moment. Smile more and let God work the magic that is his and his alone.

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